Give me Peace

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

-James 4:14

Lately the idea of how short our life is has really been hauting me. I have been thinking a lot about how I am blessed to be alive and healthy. The thought about I could be dead tomorrow has been dominating my thoughts and somewhat scares me terribly, but I am so secure in the fact that my heavenly father is always ready to welcome me into his loving arms, that it gives me such peace. I don't want this blog to sound morbid or depressing, but I want it to serve as a reminder of how blessed we are to be alive and living in a time where we are so blessed and able to effect so many lives so easily.

The other day in a small group chapel we were talk about how we are so lucky to be born in the age that we are. We have been given such incredible opportunities to serve the Lord in so many ways and can you believe we complain so much? For hundreds of years people have been planting the seeds that we should be fertilizing and growing for the glory of God.

If you think about it, a lot of the hard work has been done already for us. We are disciples, we get the privilege of sharing the word of God. One of my biggest pet peeves is when we are in big group settings and someone ask a person to pray and nobody volunteers. We treat praying as something scary and intimidating. We should be on the edge of our seat anxiously anticipating the next time we get to talk with our maker. God loves nothing more than hearing his children cry out to him. It worries me when people are nervous to pray at the dinner table, I ask myself what could their personal prayer life be like?

Today for the first time in a long time I got down on my knees, my face buried in the ground and cried out to Jesus. I cried for his guidance and his hand to work in my life. I have become a complacent christian. I want to move mountains for my God, I want to get to heaven and hear God say "Well done good and faithful servant, well done". My hearts longing is for others to see the light of Jesus in me. I want to change live through him. God gave the ultimate sacrifice of his Son for me, and I have become so complacent that I can't even invite someone to church with me? I am ashamed.

To tie this all back together it just makes me realize how I need to be a light. I need to be an example to others and not expect others to do that for me. God has blessed me greatly, now it is my job to bless others for as long as I live. I want every day for the rest of my life to matter and be significant, whether that is 80 years or 2 days, I want to please God with the way I live my life.

I am Humbled before Him,

-Stine

Living Comfortably is Overrated

When I stepped on the bus in Guatemala I felt God's presence in the school. It was close to 10:30pm I am guessing once I had gotten to the school, but I had a renewed spirit the second I stepped off the bus. I knew that God had huge plans for me this week.

Seeing the kids step off the bus for the first time is when I feel in love 500 times. I had forgotten any bad thing that had happened to me in the last 24 hours and was just filled with a sense of belonging and joy. The trip became very real when I saw the beautiful faces flood off the busses, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be right in that moment.

To be very honest with you, I was not very excited about going before it started. I had no idea what to expect or what was going to happen. This made me question my purpose in coming and really doubt why I was supposed to go. But those fears and worries left me the second I got there. I automatically realized that I had been living comfortably at home and it was time for that to change.

After my first day I journaled about how God had really moved in me and this is a little excerpt of what I said - "What if we were to treat one another like the children of Morning Glory School treated me? The welcomed all just like Jesus and that makes my heart warm" The verse I wrote down after the first day was Romans 15:4. Look it up. it is GOOD.

Each day we had a theme word for the day and it was heavy on my mind to work to live out the word each day. The word that struck me hardest was Faithful. Not because I am lacking in faith but it was seeing these kids faithfulness to Christ in every circumstance. They are living in the epitome of a third world country and they stay committed to God all of the time. They know that He will be faithful and provide for them in their time of need. This gave me a renewed sense of hope. Seeing that God is faithful in their life reminds me that God is faithful in my life as well.

The other words that followed me all week was Unconditional Love. I have never seen those two words every lived out that much in my life before. These children were willing to give of them selflessly and love us no matter what. Can I just tell you getting 300 hugs in a span of 45 minutes moves you. Even if you don't think it will, it does.

Our God is Faithful, perfect, and flawless. God has moved in me around me, in Guatemala and around the world. I want everyone to experience what I felt, our God is more alive then EVER.

Sorry this is so many random thoughts, but I can honestly say that no words can ever describe the blessing this trip was on my life.

Obsessions

I say I am obsessed with people a lot. It just means I love them. But I have been noticing myself getting more and more obsessed with superficial things. Some may be incredibly obvious, but some are just things I deal with. I guess I am going to let you in on my obsessions in life, some are good don’t get me wrong, but some are not what I need my life focused on. Read on!

One of the things that I have become obsessed with is Image. I know that this is the discussion for dozen of preteen bible studies. But I think mine is something that I have dealt with at a deeper level. For as long as I can remember I have been overweight. I have always tried to lose weight or become okay with my weight. But honestly, I have never been content. I always want to be skinner or have clear face or something superficial like that. I have done diet after diet to become happy with who I am but what I have come to realize lately is that people who are my friends should love me for who I am and not how I look. This leads me to my next obsession.

Acceptance-

Part of struggling with my self image is worries of being accepted. People may accept me for who I am, but I have trouble accepting myself. I don’t understand why people like me. That is not supposed to sound conceded, it is just me asking why do people talk to me? I am nothing special, I have nothing interesting to say. So, now I am trying to understand acceptance and enjoying who I am.

I am ready to be okay with ME. I am ready to no longer be judged by others or worry about being judge. I want to be okay with me. I am ready for God to move. Well, he is always moving but I am ready to move with him now…

I feel like this blog is a work in progress. There is just so much more that I want to say but don’t have the energy to. So, be expecting another one soon enough.

“God Make me into the Woman you want me to be”